Poem People: My sister's wedding
It felt different
My sister Helen got married two weekends ago in downtown Chicago. The colors were black and white and I was the flower girl. It was incredibly moving and I sobbed when she danced with my dad to Bert Kampfert.
(Imagine my dad singing to baby Helen in the backseat I really want my pacifier or Can I have my pacifier with every riff and at the end when the music changes: And then I’ll go to sleep. And then I’ll go to sleep.)
It’s so different to watch a sibling get married. I’ve been in bridal parties before and have witnessed some solemn scenes, but the wave of meaning and emotional link I felt during Helen’s wedding was unique.
Our presence around each other and the depth of shared context—the amount of fights, the amount of difference—made it feel so much more real. This isn’t the loving gaze of a best friend, this is the sooty, charged, weird unconditional love of a sibling and she’s up on the altar like I’m up on that altar too.
For this Poem People, I thought I would share my reception speech. It’s a different effect hearing it spoken, there are some meanings and jokes that only work with inflection, but I’ll do my best to italicize where those would be.
There’s also the matter of words sounding better spoken… keep that in mind.
Wedding Address
There are many things that love can do.
It stretches on and smooths us out —— like steaming the dress you’ll wear to your sister’s wedding.
Falling deeply in love is such a significant life event. It’s up there with birth and death in how it changes us fundamentally.
Putting that life event (that love) in the hands of another person is the most intensely vulnerable thing we do.
And we witnessed it today.
We are so lucky.
We essentially give our livelihood, our spirit, to someone we trust. Someone we adore. We give our lives. And it makes a woven fabric of happiness like a net to catch us if we fall, when we fall.
Looking around today all together we are nothing but a big net, bound together. Constructed of this trust. For some of us constructed longer ago than others.
And this trust changes us.
The Helen here today is different than the Helen I knew before she and Daniel fell in love.
What was already a full and happy life became a sunbeam.
Every day since then has been bright. So bright I can hardly believe it. Like the sun.
Their love nurtures kindness and warmth. It shines a light that radiates out through her smile through her laugh. Together they are brilliant.
I definitely think of them as an unstoppable force—and I think many of you would agree with on that—they fuel each other’s fire in that way. In many ways.
Their love has changed Helen on that fundamental level.
Deep in her soul is our new family member, Daniel.
I have a better understanding of how love endures because I get to see this brilliance.
And I’m confident that Helen and Daniel will see it through a lifetime.
Through infinity.
Cheers—
P.S. Thank you to my main-main Tristan for smart editing notes the night before in hotel robes.
P.P.S. The “endures” at the end is a reference to a scripture reading I’d read at the ceremony, shown below:
P.P.P.S. Infinity, in all its Tumblr glory, is included as a reference to the Mexican lazo (lasso) tradition in the ceremony, symbolizing unity, commitment, and oneness by binding the couple with a rosary. The date was also July 8th. Very cosmic, very infinity.
To Helen and Daniel: it was so special to be there for you on that day, but it’s an honor to be there with you every day before that and every day from here on out.
thank you for this post. So perfectly articulated. Love you.